Passion in all directions

I bet in some way you guys have realized that I am a very passionate person when I comes to all my relationships, mainly with my mother and then with the so-called-love-of-life. That is because before everything that happened in my life I had nothing really to be passionate about because I was more shy and introverted than I am now. I am still introverted in some ways but I have put a voice to my name to make sure I was heard. So while saying that I am here to tell you that my leaving is a no go.

I have actually went to were Anthony was and I thought it was great, just a week of figuring out if it would work out – me living with him. Even though I could not really cook him food, because he does not have much of a kitchen, but the whole experience for me was great. It made me realize that I miss having someone I like around me, maybe long distance – I mean it is not even like we are in a relationship, so I should really stop saying that- so I will say not being in a relationship will do that to you.

So to make a long story short, I went there, I thought that it would really work out since we both can handle being around each other -so I was ready to move in. Him on the other hand feels like it is too soon (and by soon that means in July, the month I was planning on moving), that he feels like he has to give up his personal space if I move in with him, that my relationship with my mother needs to be fixed because he feels like it is not good to have a bad relationship with family, and the first thing that would stop me from going was if I lost weight and got back to my high school weight- he would want me there.

At that point I just did not know what to say. I think I just decided that I will just go to plan B and move on. I would still talk to him (which I never do with ex-boyfriends even ex-co-workers) I would just focus on things that I can control, like school, work, the place I live, what I do day to day.

School, I will finish my Associates this semester, then I will go to the school that I want to go to for my Bachelor’s in Accounting degree. The only reason I have put an emphasis on ‘I want to go to’ is because my mother wants me to stay in the school I am in now to pursue a similar degree, Business Information Technology. I do not want that degree, I want the accounting degree and to try to move up in the school I want to go to.

Work, I mean I can not really control my actual company that I am working for but what I am trying to do is to try to get into a different department such as an accounting position or even an office position. Since knowing people in a specific industry can do wonders such as job inquires, networking, and even personal time learning different software’s. Also, since my mother is not to be too kind to the idea of me going to the school that I want to go to I will get a second job at Subway with the help of my friend, who will soon be my roommate, just to help a little extra with some funds I might need.

For taking control of the place that I will live, it is great that I have finally found a friend that I am comfortable with and we share a similar mind set when I comes to trivial things. So this time I thing that I will enjoy living with a roommate, especially if she bought the house herself. She was my plan B if something went wrong with me moving in with Anthony, and guess what it did. So I will stay here with her until my degree is finished then figure out how my career is going and where it will take me (hopefully in Colorado or somewhere with mountains, four seasons, and a beautiful environment).

That is just what I am focused on right now. I do not think that I could handle being in another relationship after Anthony, I mean how can a girl after being with someone I knew was the love of my life to, then trying to forget him and could not, then going back to him trying to make something work where I would be close to him so we could try again, to then having my heart crushed because he is not ready. I still feel like I would not have that same feeling I had when I was with Anthony when we were together, and some part of me feels like that I will not ever have that same feeling again even if things with Anthony was to work out in the future.

So that’s what I am talking about when I say that I have passion in all directions, think of it as like you are in a house you see an open door, you then run to it someone comes up to you and then closes it in your face, you see another door you then run again to it and it gets closed again right before you reach it. Some people after the second door would then walk to the next door they see open, but I run every time in hopes that I will go through an open door eventually.

 

Can you Relate?